It Can Always Get Worse
by Lugian Before Swine
Summary: Non-magic AU. Working in a pet shop was never so interesting, as Remus, Sirius, and Lily find out first-hand. RLSB JPLE Rated T for swearing. Dear Lord, it's not a oneshot!
1. Awkward Introductions

**A/N: Well, this is the first time I've written an AU, but I've had this idea floating around for a long time, and I finally figured out how to make it work. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any HP characters. All my love to J.K.R.**

It was a bright and beautiful morning. It was the beginning of summer, and the birds were as enthusiastic as ever, singing their songs of praise to Mother Nature. Butterflies flitted about the pet store window, seeming to say, "Let us in! We want to join in the fun!"

Remus Lupin sat at a desk against the back wall. _If only you knew_, he thought. The butterflies seemed to sense his negativity and flew away from the window. Remus wished he could join them. This was absolutely the worst summer job in the history of summer jobs. The fact that he hadn't taken that position at the movie theatre was something that would forever taunt him. _You could have had me!_ it seemed to say. _A free bag of popcorn every day!_ But he had signed a contract, and therefore signed his life away, on June 11, and it didn't let up until September 3rd. So, every day from Monday to Friday, 10 to 3, he was forced to work at Hank's Kuddly Kritters, the Ks being totally unnecessary and highly annoying.

He sighed. _Here goes day 12. Probably just as boring as all the other days at Hank's Cuddly Crap._ In his mind, the Ks were gone. He really hated them.

There was a snore from the chair next to him. Remus was just about to wake the sleeping girl, when—

"LILY!"

"HACKLNAGH!" she screeched, smashing her head on the cash register as she sat up abruptly.

"No need to freak," said Hank, winking at her in the creepiest possible way. It didn't take much coming from a balding 45-year-old man with a bristly mustache. "I just need you to check on the new terrier. Ok?"

"Right," she said, rubbing her head and standing up. Remus gave her a look that said, "I'm terribly sorry," and she nodded in acceptance before disappearing down an aisle.

"As for you, you'll be needing to carry in my food crate. I trust you can handle that, being a spry young lad of—umm—how old are you, again?"

"Seventeen," said Remus, for what was at least the seventeenth time.

"Yes, seventeen. Well, it's out back, just put it in the store room, yup, get to it." And he jumped back into his office and slammed the door behind him. Remus suspected the only thing in Hank's office was an old TV and lots of tapes of "Girls Gone Wild." He shook his head, walked out the back door, and slammed directly into someone.

"Ow! This is store property, you know, no trespassing and all that," said Remus, standing up and brushing himself off.

"SORRY, sorry, thought this was the front door, here, let me help you," said the apparently kind stranger, brushing dirt off Remus' back. Remus looked up. It was a boy about his age, slightly taller than Remus, and with shaggy black hair.

The boy stuck his hand out. "I'm Sirius Black, apparently the master of crashing into people when they least expect it, although if I crashed into them when they _were_ expecting it, they would probably prevent me and then beat me up…anyway! Who're you?"

"Remus Lupin. Store employee." _Unfortunately._

"You're an employee? Fantastic! I hope you can put your presumably not-so-great first impression of me aside, because I'm actually looking to get a job here."

"Oh. _Oh_. Umm, look, I'll save you the trouble and tell you right now, you don't want to work here. The work itself is easy enough, but it's boring and the pay is terrible. You'd probably be better off at the movie theatre…"

"Oh, they wouldn't take me at the theatre. Something about talking too much and distracting the customers. At any rate, I'm sure my skills can be put to better use here."

"If you're skilled in cleaning up poo," said Remus.

"I happen to be a master," said Sirius. "In fact, I have a degree in it." He grinned. The intensity of the whiteness of his teeth made Remus want to shield his eyes. "Well, I'll introduce you to Hank," said Remus. "If you're sure you want to work here." He put his hand on the doorknob.

"If everyone here is as helpful as you, I'm sure I'll have no problem feeling at home."

_Turn your smile down_, Remus wanted to say, but instead he politely smiled back and opened the door.

Hank was standing in the middle of the store knee-deep in a trough of green liquid. Lily was by his side with a sponge and a bottle of disinfectant.

"Oh God," Remus moaned, pulling the door shut before Sirius could see inside. "Hank is, umm, a bit tied up right now, I don't think it's the best time to talk to him."

"All right," said Sirius mildly, and he sat down on a nearby crate. Remus suddenly remembered what he had gone out to do in the first place. "Umm, that crate you're sitting on…I need to bring it in," said Remus.

"Oh!" said Sirius, jumping up. "Sure. Do you want me to help you?"

"Well, I guess. If you want." Something about this was awkward. Remus scratched his head and tried to think of what it could be. Nothing came to mind.

"I'll get this end, you get the other."

"Right."

Remus sincerely hoped that Hank would be out of his predicament. He reached behind him, turned the doorknob, and pushed the door open with his back.

Remus' hope had evidently not been sincere enough.

The situation had managed to get worse. Hank now had one foot out of the trough and onto a rubber bathmat. Lily was scrubbing at his leg, on which he wore a fuzzy winter boot. As soon as Remus walked in, she gave him a look that said, "Where have you been, you little—" but it was cut off by the fact that Sirius had come into her view. He smiled at Lily and then at Hank.

"Who's this?" asked Hank, voice booming for no apparent reason.

"Sirius Black, sir," Sirius said, setting down his end of the crate. Remus followed suit. For some reason Sirius didn't seem at all fazed by the scene in front of him. He continued, "I'm looking for a summer job, and I ran into Remus out there—I mean, literally, ran into him—and—"

"WHAT?" Hank shrieked.

"He got goo in his ears," Lily sighed.

"…Goo?" Remus asked.

"Lord if I know," replied Lily, shaking her head and walking towards them. She addressed Sirius. "Hey. I'm Lily, Remus' partner in crime, although I suppose now I'll be getting replaced by you."

_She is rather intimidating. Better stay on her good side. _"No, well—" began Sirius.

"I'm just kidding," she said, shaking his hand. Remus dragged the crate into the storage room.

"So what's going on with the trough?" asked Remus when he had returned.

"He found it in the storage room and tried to clean it. Oh well, my work here is done. I'm gonna let him deal with it now," Lily said.

"LILLLLYYYYY!"

"Crap."

The three teenagers walked back into the main part of the store. Hank had his other leg out and was toweling it down. He motioned for Lily to come closer. She obliged, rolling her eyes.

"LILY," he said in what he obviously thought was a whisper, but was more like a bullhorn, "WHAT'S WITH THE RANDOM KID? DID HE SAY HE WAS REMUS' BOYFRIEND? 'CAUSE I GOTTA ADMIT, I NEVER SUSPECTED THE BOY BATTED FOR THE OTHER TEAM, ALTHOUGH HIDDEN DEPTHS, I SUPPOSE, HIDDEN DEPTHS."

Following this outburst, no one spoke until Lily walked back over and finally said, "_Is_ he your boyfriend?"

"No!" Remus and Sirius shouted simultaneously.

"Oh. Well, I'm gonna go take a nap," said Lily, and she walked away yawning.

Remus turned to Sirius. "Are you sure you want to work here?" he asked incredulously.

Sirius shrugged. "How much worse can it get?"

Remus put his head in his hands. He knew from experience it could get much, much worse.

**Review? :D**


	2. Can I Quit Now?

**A/N: Hello. Yup…that's about it.**

"Go, go, goooo!" Sirius shouted at the puppy on the end of the leash. Buster, as the puppy had been named, was currently tromping through a mud puddle behind the store, his mouth wide open and tail wagging nonstop.

The back door burst open. "New kid!" Hank screamed. "Get that puppy in here and give him a bath!"

A late-June storm had caused the wide pit that was the "back yard" of the store to become, in essence, a mud-filled swimming pool.

"Sure thing, sir!" Sirius said happily, and he dragged the dirty puppy back inside.

Remus looked up from a manila folder. "What happened to you two?"

"We were out having fun," Sirius said, and then he and the puppy disappeared into the storage room.

Remus shook his head, picked up a red pen, and attempted to get back to work.

But there were noises coming from the cat supplies aisle.

_Sickeningly squelchy noises,_ Remus thought. _Kissing noises._

"For crying out loud, Lily, will you please get a room?" Remus yelled.

"Shut up!" came the reply.

"Girls got you down?" said Sirius, appearing seemingly out of nowhere and sliding on the desk towards Remus.

"What? How did you manage to wash the puppy so fast?"

Sirius shrugged. "Does it matter? There are more pressing things to attend to."

"Like you cleaning up the Shiba's crap?"

"I will get to that," Sirius said. "At some point today, I promise you, I will get to that."

"Sirius, it's 2:30. Our shifts are almost over."

"Hmm." Sirius huffed, hopped off the desk, and strolled into the storage room.

He didn't count on a shirtless Lily with a boy attached to her face to also be in there.

"WHAT," she said, exasperated. "Tell Remus I got a room."

Sirius stared.

"That's impolite," said the boy. Sirius knew his name was James and he also thought he was a royal douchebag.

"Can you at least hand me the pooper scooper?" Sirius asked.

Lily was clearly uncomfortable. "Just…here!" She reached behind her back and threw it at him. "Will you go away now?"

"I also need a pair of latex gloves."

"Oh, for—" Lily shoved James off of her, grabbed her top and pulled it back on, and stood up. "I'm not doing this. Let's go," she said to the boy, who nodded, glared at Sirius, and then followed Lily out of the storage room.

Sirius returned to the main part of the store a minute later to find Remus looking wonderingly at him. "What the hell."

"Are you impressed?" Sirius grinned.

"…I guess. Lily's shift isn't over for another hour, though, and they completely left…"

"Well, that's her problem," Sirius said, sitting down on the desk.

"Don't you have poo to clean?" Remus asked.

"Oh yeah. I guess I do."

_And they're off,_ Remus thought.

* * *

"Are you aware that the cats have completely trashed their enclosure—OH SHIT."

"New kid! Don't swear around the customers!" Hank shouted.

"Why are you covered in mustard?!" screeched Lily.

"Yeah, for God's sake, you scared me. For that matter, you are still scaring me," said Sirius.

Remus burst in through the back door. "Sorry, my car wouldn't start so I had to walk—" He took in the scene in front of him: 10:20 AM, Hank covered in mustard, Lily hysterical, Sirius seeming lost, two customers staring at everyone. Well. A crappy start to what would presumably become a crappy day.

"Hank," Lily said, her voice shaking with anger, "go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. I don't even want to know what happened, just go get rid of it."

"You can't talk to me that way! I'm your boss!" Hank shouted indignantly.

"Sir," began Sirius calmly, "I think it would be wise of you to clean the mustard off yourself. I'm not saying you have to, I'm just suggesting the idea."

"Right-o," said Hank. "This boy knows how to speak to his superiors. I'll be back." And he headed in the direction of the bathroom.

Lily exhaled deeply. Remus said, "Well, good morning everyone." Lily shot him a look that said, _I hate my life right now_, and then she turned and walked away down an aisle.

"…Good morning," said Sirius.

**Gah. Sorry for the shortness. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer. Farewell for now.**


	3. Hank's Special Guest

**A/N: Oh, hey, guys. I realize that saying this chapter is overdue is an understatement, but I got caught up in other fandoms and totally forgot about this fic. I still want to continue it, though. I can't promise regular updates, and you can see why, but I promise I will give this fic a go again. I still like it and I still think it deserves to be worked on, and the ideas for where it's going are still there. So if anyone out there remembers this fic and cares enough to try it again, I hope you aren't disappointed. Although, with my updating track record, you never know.**

**Thank you and enjoy!**

"Are you aware that you have work to do? No, you're not, are you. You wanted a job here so badly, and yet every day, multiple times a day, I find you sitting on this desk, distracting me while I'm trying to work. Why? Why do you jeopardize both of our jobs?" Remus asked one morning, when Sirius's desk-sitting antics had become annoying to the point of necessitating verbal abuse.

"You know Hank wouldn't fire us. He likes us too much. He may get our names confused sometimes, but I know he likes us. Besides, what are you actually doing?" Sirius grinned. Sirius grinned a lot, but it didn't make it any less infuriating to see it then.

Remus sighed, attempting to get his temper under control. It wouldn't do to have a nervous breakdown before lunchtime. "You would be surprised—actually, you shouldn't be surprised—to learn that Hank frequently falls prey to salesmen overcharging him for things. They tell him one price, then charge him a higher one before they leave, and he never notices. Ever. I've made it my job to go through his sales receipts and rectify this nonsense so that by the end of my contract he'll still have enough money to pay me my salary."

Sirius turned his grin down into a normal smile and said, "I can see how that could be important. But I also know that you're scheduled to do walks today, and with the yard being such a mess, I figured I would offer my assistance."

"I would appreciate that. But you're supposed to be cleaning cat cages. We should probably stick to the schedule, at least until after Hank inevitably falls asleep in a pool of his own saliva again."

As if on cue, Hank burst through the door of the storage room. "Remus," he began, pointing at Sirius, then stopped. "Wait, that's wrong. I can't remember your name, sorta-new kid."

"Sirius," Sirius supplied helpfully.

"That's a hell of a weird name. Have I told you that?"

"And yet you didn't bat an eyelash at 'Remus'?" said Lily, poking out from behind a crate of cat litter.

"We can't all win the Normal Name Award around here," Remus said irritably.

"ANYWAY," Hank shouted, "I need you all to be on call for me today. I have a very important customer coming in sometime in the afternoon, and I want you to be very good to her and help her with anything she may need. Understand?"

Sirius elbowed Remus in the ribs. "D'you think it's his girlfriend?" he murmured.

"Unlikely," Remus snorted.

"SHUT UP! This is a very important matter!"

"We will be on our best behavior, sir," said Remus.

"Patronizing sissy," Lily muttered.

Hank ignored them and stormed into his office.

"Right, see?" Sirius said. "We don't have to follow the schedule today. That's essentially what Hank said."

Remus sighed. He'd been doing that quite a lot lately. "Yes, I see your point, and I would appreciate your help. But can you please get off the desk and let me finish salvaging our paychecks in peace?"

Sirius gave him a thumbs-up, slid off the desk, and trotted off around a corner.

Remus watched Lily shove the crate into the storage room and listened as her footsteps came closer to him. She looked around the corner of an aisle before appearing at his side.

"He's ok when he's not being a complete ass," she said.

"Who?" Remus asked. "Sirius or Hank?"

"Hank is always a complete ass," Lily said. "I mean Sirius. He can be really freaking annoying, but he's a good fit here, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

Lily smiled at him, a strange smile that foretold of some deeper meaning that a man couldn't possibly figure out, and probably wouldn't want to if he could.

"I'm gonna start the stock-taking," she said, and then she flounced away around a corner.

The way that Sirius performed the daily walks of the pet store dogs was very different from how Remus did them. And it also went against every form of logic that had ever existed, barring Sirius' own, of course.

"You know if you tromp them through the mud, you're going to have to bathe them. Customers don't want to see filthy dogs with clots of dirt in their ears."

"Remus," Sirius said gently, like he was talking to an incompetent six-year-old, "the entire yard is mud. I don't see a single place where we could walk them and not encounter mud. Do you? If you do, you should probably walk over there, because your shoes are kinda gross."

_You are exasperating_, Remus thought, _and ridiculous, and stupid, and…right._ "Fine. I see your point. But could you at least walk one dog a time? You're going to trip and fall and take a nice little mud bath."

Sirius just smiled and ran the four dogs he was leading directly into the largest puddle in the yard. The dog that Remus was holding whined softly, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"Oh, all right," Remus huffed, and he led the dog to the puddle, which, predictably, it greatly enjoyed, to Remus' chagrin.

Sirius laughed. Remus scowled. Then Hank flung open the back door.

"She's here! What did I tell you about being on call? Get in here!"

Remus and Sirius looked at the dogs, then each other. Well. This was a predicament.

Hank seemed to catch on, which was a miracle and probably the result of the adrenaline coursing through him from his 'special visitor's' appearance. "Just tie them up outside! I'll get you some rope," and then he disappeared into the store.

Remus paused for a moment. "He's not covered in any sort of disgusting substance," he mused.

"Impressive," Sirius said, nodding.

Remus shook his head as if to clear his amazement. "We can't tie them up. What if they escape?"

"Here's the rope!" Hank shouted, throwing a large spool at them, and then he slammed the door behind himself.

Sirius examined it. "This is like something you use to make crafts with. It's not even real rope."

"Well, what are we going to do?" The dogs gave them sympathetic looks.

Sirius appeared to think for a moment, then said, "Why don't we just put them in the storage room?"

"They'll bark! I don't know who this special guest is, but I'm sure she won't be pleased to discover five barking, muddy dogs locked away in a room."

"I'll get bones for them. We have no other options! We can clean the room later, too."

Remus considered this. "…All right, let's smuggle them in."

"Brilliant! I'll go steal some treats."

_I never signed up for this,_ Remus thought scathingly as he led the filthy dogs through the door and around the corner. _Oh, yes. I suppose I did the moment I let Sirius through the door._


End file.
